Holocron Entry 15

Oh my gosh!! It's Sunday... And I've not started on my homework!

Well, it's still morning so I have plenty of time to do it.. As least I think I do unless my dad decided to take us out of Japanese food like every other Sunday. Except Sunday where Republic Gunship come flying in destroying droids around my house.. Just kidding! Really, you believed that? Congratulations, you've becomeas obsessed with Star Wars as me.

I'm being very random cos I'm usually still asleep in the morning of weekends but strangely not today...

So.. Another important issue to cover today:
Should I let my blog be visible to all?? I really don't know. There are good and bad things of doing so though...

Like, I can let other Star Wars fans read it and I can make new friends from around the world (Star Wars fans most likely) but that means I have to reduce on vulgarities usage (that stinks..) and I have to edit some posts which contains some things that I should not say... And that'll make my blog seem rather fake.

So I still really dunno. Waddya think? Wait, I forgot, this blog is private there's no point asking air.

HELP ME THINK JAINA SOLO!!!!

Rogue Eleven out.

P.S. I wanted to say more but I can't think of anything that's not random to say. Hmmm.. I might be back later, you never know!

:D

Holocron Entry 9

I'm so sleepy but I don't feel like sleeping.

I was right, today was a half day. No lessons. My class helped wrap food hampers for the needy people in our school for a hour before the close to two hour long performance. The performance was quite okay, I guess. Some parts were really boring, like the quiz part. The MCs asked the audience stupid questions such as "Name me three red things" because apparently red symbolises Chinese New Year. And there were people from my side in the school hall were yelling "underwear". LOL!

Another bad part about the whole event was that the teachers seperated my friends from me. That's on disadvantage of having only male friends because the school teachers always want the boys to sit infront and the girls behind. And I can't be the girl sitting directly behind the boys because they want as to sit according to our index numbers. And I'm number 1. And it stinks cos people expect you to know everything and be serious in studys and score well cos teachers see your marks first as you names right on top. But I dun care. I wanna learn cos I truly want to and I wanna have fun will I'm at it and not be afraid to miss out info teachers give cos when you have many friends in class, you will end up knowing that bit of infomation any way!

We had to wear our class tee though. And almost half the class bought a size to big (like me). Someone told as the T-Shirt would be the same size as our PE T-shirt but it turned out to be a size bigger than the size of our PE T-shirt. Like size S (for PE tee) is size M (for class tee)!! In my situation, I bought L size when I'm an M. So my class tee looks like a mini dress when I looked at myself in the mirror at home. It went down to the middle of my thighs and that's too long!! And I had to wear it to school today but the good thing is my school skirt kinda helped "hold up" my class tee and I only reached 1/3 of my thigh. Quite an improvement, doncha think?

Oh, hang on. Joshua messaged me on Facebook....

Recently Joshua improved a little. He still follows me around but I find it hard to teach him sociall skills (I tried, okay!). He is useful when I get angry cos he listens when I complain and rant and yell (a little bit) and when I want someone to accompany me to McDonalds for tea time. And he helps "chope (?)" (How to spell?) the swings at the playground for me whcih comes in handy when I'm too lazy to run the the park and grab the swing froma random kid/teenager.

*Yawn* I'm really sleepy... Since today's a half day, I think I'll go take a nap when I'm done talking with Joshua on Facebook.

P.S. Today, after the performance, Joshua and I went to McDonald's for brunch and we saw our D&T teacher. Eating near her table felt weird. LOL.

Holocron Entry 5

I'm feeling rather down.. The VA Program is killing me. I should be asleep now to save up energy (during the whole weekend) for the coming week. But I discovered that I've lost all interest in studying that I practically don't care any more.

I feel that I've let many people down with my new thinking. I know it's not right. But I can't do it any more. I'm just so pooffed out that nothings matters more than my art nowadays. The week was so painful.

So much homework, no time for my favourite movies and TV programmes, no time for being happy, no time for drawing comics, no time for anything. I'm starting to show a "heck care" attitude towards homework and learning.

I hate the VA Program. It's so tiring that I find it a pain to listen to lessons in school with out fidgetting and doodling. I can't stand it any more. It's tearing me apart inside out.

My mind is in a reck. I'm afraid that my creativity will disappear forever. I don't want to study more than 7 hours a day!!! Why are they forcing all the students in Sec 4?!?! Please. I have a life.

I have this very precious life that I care and love so much. This life gave me the opportunity to create fantasies and draw my feelings and show the world what I've got. Please don't fill my mind with studies and studies and more useless studies..

I'm about to breakdown and turn over to the dark side. But I just won't. This VA Progran is taking everything away from me..

I was supposed to study today but I just can't. I know I sound like an idiot cos most of you study longer hours than me. But this is my life!!! I want to enjoy and live it to the fullest my own way!!

I sound so ridicious here. I also accidentally embarrassed myself in front of Joshua. It's torturing me mentally that I feel like running away from everything and suck myself into my fantasy far far away. And run there and hide forever.

But I can't. There's no escape. The walls are sealed and caving in.

I have a Common Test week next week where the school's going to test us what we have learnt last year and this few weeks of term 1. I'm gonna fail. I can feel it. It's my gut feeling that's usually right.

Tomorrow I'll try to study. I'll try.

Mustn't lose hope. My creativity won't be pushed to the unreachable depths of my consciousness to be forgotten forever, it's live as part of my living entity and it'll never fade.

I'll never stop drawing. Never. The minute I do, I'll no longer be who I am.

Holocron Entry 3

Chemistry homework has killed me. It's so diffucult.. I just.. I just suck at it. If I don't understand Science by the O'Levels, I'm finished. I can't do what I love.

It's true. My teachers, well some of them, told my class that to do those popular courses in the polytechnic, you'll have to pass Science even if the course has nothing to do with it.

I'm really so bad at Science. This is actually one of the few things I hate myself for. I usually love myself to bits so Science really piss me off.

I try. I really do. I spent about an hour and a half sometime last week revising my Chemistry. And I thought I finally understood Chapters 16 and 17 (the topics that the teachers in my school were covering for the Common test next week). And when I got the homework...

I realised how dumb I was to think I understood. In reality, I just don't know how to apply what I memorised. I can memorise stuff and spit them back out. But when you need to use a bit of common sense with it, that's where I fail. I just.. I dunno. My brain doesn't connect.. It's like memory and understanding are two different islands, each on the other sides of the Earth.

I wish I were smarter. Just a bit more smarter. Just a bit. I'll be real contented if I could.

I'm fuming right now. And I'm amazed at how fast I'm typing this. Wow. But if I fail my Science. Everything I do will be for nothing. The fact that I've never actually passed with average marks in Secondary School is bothering me.

It would be near impossible to suddenly pass now and get better cos the time I have to the big exams is limited. I just wish I were smarter.. Just a bit.

And while I was fuming.. I thought of a back-up plan. Of course, I could do manga drawing cos I know I'm rather good at it. And perhaps I'll pick up guitar as another back-up.

And my tuition teacher is wanting to much from me. She doesn't know what marks I'm scoring for my Science. She expects me to get an A1 for Science and pass other subjects really well. Look, I'm not in class 4E3 for nuts. 4E3 is the last class in the whole Express level. And to me, being near the top always, is more than I can ever hope for. I'm really glad for my nerdity that made it all possible. Cos I even won $200 cash for being in the top 15% in the whole level. That's more than I can hope for. Really.

But Science is going to make all that for nothing if I can't understand and apply it in test papers.

Which brings me to another problem. My school keeps making us stay back everyday, (literally everyday) for that VA Program I told you all about in my previous post, that I'm really physically pooped out after reaching home at around 6pm. I want to revise but my body won't have it.

And I have a Common test next week!! How am I ever going to find time to revise and stuff if I will fall asleep anywhere. I'm not kidding. I fell asleep changing into casual clothing at home earlier today and on the excursion bus last Friday.

I thought that sports would be the answer because that's what everyone says, but I think not. Sports is going to make you more exhausted and take up time that could be used in other ways, more important ways.

I going to have to think of something.. I will have do before it's too late...

See y'all in a while. At least I think it's be a while.

Sigh... Science killed me again.