Holocron Entry 16

I promised you guys a proper intro about me.. So here goings nothing!!
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I'm Andriee JainaSolo (It's not my real name of course, duh!) and I'm gonna be 16 in 7 months!! Isn't that awesome?!! I love Star Wars! It's the best movie(s) ever made!! Sometimes I feel lonely because people don't understand me and I like to have fun all the time!
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The X-Wing series taught me many things that I can apply to daily life. I <3>

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I'm having best friend issues due to something unfortunately dumb that took place yesterday but I think that right now, my best buddy is Joshua! He's a Star Wars fan too. I still remember how we met: It was during a boring Design and Technology lesson and I was doodling TIE fighters on my worksheets while chatting with another awesome friend, Jordon, and Joshua pretty much borrowed my worksheet with the TIE fighter drawing on it and added a Death Star to my doodle.. We didn't become instant friends yet but I felt a connection to him.. I dunno but usually when I get this feeling I know that that person will become a best friend in the end. I had that same feeling with Denise and Amanda, two Primary school friends (who I sadly say have gotten distant with..) but we eventually because best friends.

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I had a mini argument with him a month back but everything is cool now. Cos I solved the issue diplomatically with no X-Wing squadrons and Mon Calamari cruisers attacking Joshua's house (at least I think I did not unknowingly send a fleet.. or did I??). So we're cool and he's the bestest friend any Star Wars fan could have!!

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Cos this is what we talk about on a random day:

*I'm taking down notes in class*

Joshua: WEDGE IS COOL!!

Me: CORRAN IS COOLER!

And we'll start arguing who is cooler!

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Or in PE lesson last year:

Teacher: *scolding us for not running in volleyball* So you want the world to explode than you'll run issit?!!

Me: *to Joshua* She didn't purchase a Death Star so the world can't explode!!

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I have other friends too but the list is to long to type out. So may be you'll get to find out more about me in future posts?? And I promise that no more vulgarities such as the F-word with appear in them.. Well, at least I try to vent my anger with proper words, I hope..

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Another important fact about me:

I BECAME A STAR WARS FAN 4 DAYS BEFORE MY 13TH BIRTHDAY!!

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Awesome isn't it! And I'm reading Heir to the Empire right now. It's an awesome book! Totally keeps me glued.

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So I'll be back here again soon.. Hopefully really really soon cos I wanna let you all know more about me! Cos I'm too AWESOME!! Lalalalalaaaaa... Hehehe! :D

P. S. Sorry about the ( ` )s in my posts. Blogger did not allow me to leave lines and I had to leave lines if not this whole post will look like a block of white paint on my mum's toilet bowl cover!

I prefer Chicken Wings to the Drumsticks!!

Holocron Entry 12

"Today is Sunday. And on Sunday.."

I remember that Ulrich from this cartoon, Code Lyoko said that when he and his friends were having some sort of conversation in one of them's room. I still like Code Lyoko even though now it seems a little lame to me. It was what kept the friendship I had with Denise going even though we got separated.

It's been quite a good Chinese New Year, it turns out. Joshua invited me to his house on the second day and I had lunch there. The atmosphere was very welcoming. For once, I felt welcome to a person's home on Chinese New Year. I encountered some difficulty while arriving, mainly cos Joshua chose to take the "short-cut" (some short-cut is was..) and i slipped a little in the mud. He's short-cut was a steep slope down into the playground that was beside his flat. And I didn't know it was that steep.. I had some balancing problems so I dirtied myslef quite a bit.

And it amazing me that Joshua's kitchen toilet has no soap for a clean-up. LOL. Any how, I got clean and I scrubbed most of the dirt out of my slippers (good thing I didn't wear the new shoes I bought recently).

We ate something called 'steamboat' (that's the English meaning. I dunno the Chinese one) and it was kinda good. I didn't know how the whoel thing works at first (I'm very not Chinese) and Joshua's mum had to help (sits there wide-eyed and trying not to be a disturbance) me dish out the cooked food from the giant steamer in the centre of the table. And it was yummy and I never new Joshua could eat that much since he usually eats really little (sometimes not at all) during recess in school and at Jordon's house.

We played computer games after that. It was a lot of fun!! We played Boxhead, Cooperative mode and we scored up to 156 million together! I actually didn't really take much interest in that game in the past but it's actually fun if you play if with a friend.

All in all, it was a great Friday. I wonder if we could do it again next year but I don't wanna trouble Joshua's parents and my mum's not gonna have it.

Looks like next year's Chinese New Year will be as fucked up as the rest but i'll never forget this year's. Joshua can be a really good friend if he managed his friendship-ness right.

The weekends been quiet, if you ask me. 'Though, it gave me plenty of time to catch up on my comic. I'm currently at page 106!! YEA!!!!

Til the next time I'm free cos the coming week is gonna be hectic with Art Club on Monday and VA Program on every other day of my "already-tiring-like-hell" week.

Holocron Entry 11

Edit on 13 February 2010: I want to make my blog with I've been hiding for more than a month, visible to all people on Earth, Mars and beyond!!

Holocron Entry 10

I feel so betrayed. Chinese New Year helped me see things from another perspective. A perspective that's so ugly and distasteful. It showed me the truth about everything and it's the ugly truth. I rather keep living the fantasy. Being happy and contented in my imaginary bubble. But sooner or later the truth will always come to light.

I don't even know who are my truth friends any more. I feel so lost. When I'm a need to help, no one comes. And Joshua whom has become my bestest friends after we forgave each other, I don't know he any more. It that his real personality? Was everything in school, all that fun and joy, all a lie? I thought he was like me, just different in a world of his own. Trying his best to fit in though he knows subconsciously that he never will. Never giving up and still putting a smile on his face when things go wrong..

Was that all a lie? I show people my true self because I want people to accept me for who I am and not for some mask that some people prefer to hide behind. Chinese New Year reveals everything. Everything unpleasant.

I try my best to fit it. I really do. My relatives know that I'm a bit different but that's just me. I have already tried covering myself in layer and layer and personalities that people prefer but what good does that do? You'll be all a lie? An illusion. Nothing. Just another passing face in the crowd. I just can't fit in. I've tried and I give up. I don't want to try any more.

If you can't except me for who i am then I suggest to leave me alone. I can be happy on my own. In my own world wrapped by a virtual piece of velvet that separates the truth from my fantasy.

If only people would understand how I feel and open up to me and be my true friend. That's all I can ever ask for to be part of what binds every sentient being together. Please don't leave me out. May be I will keep trying and one day, I will be able to touch the edges of that imaginary velvet and enter the realm and be excepted.

The Human race can be so cruel at times. But I believe that I'm not alone...

Holocron Entry 9

I'm so sleepy but I don't feel like sleeping.

I was right, today was a half day. No lessons. My class helped wrap food hampers for the needy people in our school for a hour before the close to two hour long performance. The performance was quite okay, I guess. Some parts were really boring, like the quiz part. The MCs asked the audience stupid questions such as "Name me three red things" because apparently red symbolises Chinese New Year. And there were people from my side in the school hall were yelling "underwear". LOL!

Another bad part about the whole event was that the teachers seperated my friends from me. That's on disadvantage of having only male friends because the school teachers always want the boys to sit infront and the girls behind. And I can't be the girl sitting directly behind the boys because they want as to sit according to our index numbers. And I'm number 1. And it stinks cos people expect you to know everything and be serious in studys and score well cos teachers see your marks first as you names right on top. But I dun care. I wanna learn cos I truly want to and I wanna have fun will I'm at it and not be afraid to miss out info teachers give cos when you have many friends in class, you will end up knowing that bit of infomation any way!

We had to wear our class tee though. And almost half the class bought a size to big (like me). Someone told as the T-Shirt would be the same size as our PE T-shirt but it turned out to be a size bigger than the size of our PE T-shirt. Like size S (for PE tee) is size M (for class tee)!! In my situation, I bought L size when I'm an M. So my class tee looks like a mini dress when I looked at myself in the mirror at home. It went down to the middle of my thighs and that's too long!! And I had to wear it to school today but the good thing is my school skirt kinda helped "hold up" my class tee and I only reached 1/3 of my thigh. Quite an improvement, doncha think?

Oh, hang on. Joshua messaged me on Facebook....

Recently Joshua improved a little. He still follows me around but I find it hard to teach him sociall skills (I tried, okay!). He is useful when I get angry cos he listens when I complain and rant and yell (a little bit) and when I want someone to accompany me to McDonalds for tea time. And he helps "chope (?)" (How to spell?) the swings at the playground for me whcih comes in handy when I'm too lazy to run the the park and grab the swing froma random kid/teenager.

*Yawn* I'm really sleepy... Since today's a half day, I think I'll go take a nap when I'm done talking with Joshua on Facebook.

P.S. Today, after the performance, Joshua and I went to McDonald's for brunch and we saw our D&T teacher. Eating near her table felt weird. LOL.

Holocron Entry 5

I'm feeling rather down.. The VA Program is killing me. I should be asleep now to save up energy (during the whole weekend) for the coming week. But I discovered that I've lost all interest in studying that I practically don't care any more.

I feel that I've let many people down with my new thinking. I know it's not right. But I can't do it any more. I'm just so pooffed out that nothings matters more than my art nowadays. The week was so painful.

So much homework, no time for my favourite movies and TV programmes, no time for being happy, no time for drawing comics, no time for anything. I'm starting to show a "heck care" attitude towards homework and learning.

I hate the VA Program. It's so tiring that I find it a pain to listen to lessons in school with out fidgetting and doodling. I can't stand it any more. It's tearing me apart inside out.

My mind is in a reck. I'm afraid that my creativity will disappear forever. I don't want to study more than 7 hours a day!!! Why are they forcing all the students in Sec 4?!?! Please. I have a life.

I have this very precious life that I care and love so much. This life gave me the opportunity to create fantasies and draw my feelings and show the world what I've got. Please don't fill my mind with studies and studies and more useless studies..

I'm about to breakdown and turn over to the dark side. But I just won't. This VA Progran is taking everything away from me..

I was supposed to study today but I just can't. I know I sound like an idiot cos most of you study longer hours than me. But this is my life!!! I want to enjoy and live it to the fullest my own way!!

I sound so ridicious here. I also accidentally embarrassed myself in front of Joshua. It's torturing me mentally that I feel like running away from everything and suck myself into my fantasy far far away. And run there and hide forever.

But I can't. There's no escape. The walls are sealed and caving in.

I have a Common Test week next week where the school's going to test us what we have learnt last year and this few weeks of term 1. I'm gonna fail. I can feel it. It's my gut feeling that's usually right.

Tomorrow I'll try to study. I'll try.

Mustn't lose hope. My creativity won't be pushed to the unreachable depths of my consciousness to be forgotten forever, it's live as part of my living entity and it'll never fade.

I'll never stop drawing. Never. The minute I do, I'll no longer be who I am.

Holocron Entry 4

I was a little too hyper today in school. It's cos when I get sleepy or bored, I would get really hyper to make myself stay awake and have something to occupy myself with. I hope I didn't scare off anyone in school today.

And I understood a little bit more Chemistry in Science Value Added Program/ Supplementary Classes today~!! YEAH!

Funny Star Wars stuff I found on Facebook by awesome people:

"Why is there a lightsaber in your locker?".. Why isnt there one in yours..
~LOL!! I found this like soo cool.. :D

I want Lightsaber fighting to become an olympic sport!
~Yesh! I totally agree with you!

Meeting up in large places and having lightsaber battles.
~I always wanted to do that!! Thanks for keeping the dream alive!

Petition to change the relationship status from 'Single' to 'Han Solo'.
~Hell, Facebook really should for us fans!!

I WANNA PLAY A MASSIVE HIDE AND SEEK GAME IN MY SCHOOL AT MIDNIGHT
(Sorry, it came in caps.)
~It'll be really cool if that could happen.

But it's be even cooler it my school would host a MASS LIGHTSABER FIGHT FOR SENIORS ON THE LAST DAY OF OUR LAST SCHOOL YEAR!!

That's all for today.

P.S. I wish today could be a half day like yesterday. Cos yesterday was a hell lot of fun. Joshua and I sat on the swings after school at 11.30am and then we ate ice cream before swinging again. And my school practically owned the playground. It's for the public, I know.. But many students from my school were at the playgroud that I believed we chased away the _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ kids (nearby Primary school). It was a helluvah time, man!!!

Holocron Entry 2

I just came back home from school. Nowadays, my classmates and everyone else in Secondary 4 have to stay back after school for something called Value Added Program. It's something like supplementary classes and I find them tiring but okay.

Joshua and I have talked out our problems with each other on Facebook and the matter of stalking is finally resolved. I'm so glad things are back to normal. Joshua has stopped following me around and we are still good friends.

A day or two ago, Christy, Joshua and I played around with the tiles on the scrabble board our school put up on the second floor.

It's so cool, isn't it. Credits go to Joshua for uploading the image on Facebook. It's a mixture of Star Wars and V but it's all Sci-Fi so it's still freaking awesome.

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I'm really happy Joshua understood me and took it all in calmly. The results would have been devastating if he got angry (which he usually does). Our friendship might have hit a stepback but I believe we made it through like how best friends would.

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School's been pretty normal recently. Had an excursion to the National Museum which sucked because I had no good friends with me during the trip as we had to go with our English classes. I really hate it now that I'm too good at English. I mean, I'm in Banded 1 while everyone else I talk to frequently and truthfully is in either Banded 2 or 3.

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I'm quite sure it's because I'm reading too many books. All of which are Star Wars, of course. I told you Star Wars is an essential tool for survival. everythign about life, I learnt from Star Wars. Whenever I encounter a problem, I try to solve it like how Wedge or Corran or Jaina would solve it. Everything I do has a part of Star Wars in it.

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Any way, did I tell you I have an obsession about Corran Horn? He is just so perfect!! CORRAN, YOU RULE! It's your biggest fan! It's me, Jaina4Eva!! Corran makes me want to learn and revise my Maths and Science because my mum says that X-Wing pilots did these two subjects. Corran is my inspiration! CORRAN~!! You are so AWESOME!!!!

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Sigh.. My idiotic brother is annoying me again. He's so hyper today and I creeps me out. He enters and enters and enters again my bedroom, dribbling his football and yelling nonsensical trash and every while and then he would try to read what I'm typing.

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Dude. This is not a private blog for nothing. Use your 12 year old brain! Don't tell me it's physically 12 but mentally 3.

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I had to call him a fucker to make him shut up and play with himself (not so but still acceptable) quietly.

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Other not-so-exciting things about school? Today is the first day of PE and let me tell you this. PE in my school is not like PE in your school. Fun, teamwork and nonsense. It's so not. It's torture. The teachers make us run and run and run for 1 hour?!! Yes. An hour! I felt like my lungs would have a rapture, ya know.

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It's not my fault that I'm a nerd. I can't help it. I'm near the top for English and Principles of Accounts and occasionally, Humanities and Design and Technology. It's in my blood. I really fail at sports but I think I'm quite a good student in terms of intelligence. Being a nerd has it's ups and downs. Sometimes I think that being a nerd is the best thing in the world and sometimes I think it sucks.

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PE is a time when I think the latter.

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I'm actually coming up with a exercise plan. Like may be my mum and I could run around the park in the evening once or twice (twice is not really..) a week. It would help me get rid of all that extra energy that causes me to go to bed at 2am.

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You must be saying "Holy cow?! Dude.. 2am?!!" while shaking your head.

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Any way, school will be a half day tomorrow which means I get to come home at 11am! That's so cool isn't it! It's all thanks to last years batch of Sec 4s for scoring really freaking well in there O'Levels.

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I'll post more in the future. May the Force be with you!

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P.S. Sorry for all those annoying little (`)s. Blogger won't let me leave a line in between paragraphs.