Holocron Entry 12

"Today is Sunday. And on Sunday.."

I remember that Ulrich from this cartoon, Code Lyoko said that when he and his friends were having some sort of conversation in one of them's room. I still like Code Lyoko even though now it seems a little lame to me. It was what kept the friendship I had with Denise going even though we got separated.

It's been quite a good Chinese New Year, it turns out. Joshua invited me to his house on the second day and I had lunch there. The atmosphere was very welcoming. For once, I felt welcome to a person's home on Chinese New Year. I encountered some difficulty while arriving, mainly cos Joshua chose to take the "short-cut" (some short-cut is was..) and i slipped a little in the mud. He's short-cut was a steep slope down into the playground that was beside his flat. And I didn't know it was that steep.. I had some balancing problems so I dirtied myslef quite a bit.

And it amazing me that Joshua's kitchen toilet has no soap for a clean-up. LOL. Any how, I got clean and I scrubbed most of the dirt out of my slippers (good thing I didn't wear the new shoes I bought recently).

We ate something called 'steamboat' (that's the English meaning. I dunno the Chinese one) and it was kinda good. I didn't know how the whoel thing works at first (I'm very not Chinese) and Joshua's mum had to help (sits there wide-eyed and trying not to be a disturbance) me dish out the cooked food from the giant steamer in the centre of the table. And it was yummy and I never new Joshua could eat that much since he usually eats really little (sometimes not at all) during recess in school and at Jordon's house.

We played computer games after that. It was a lot of fun!! We played Boxhead, Cooperative mode and we scored up to 156 million together! I actually didn't really take much interest in that game in the past but it's actually fun if you play if with a friend.

All in all, it was a great Friday. I wonder if we could do it again next year but I don't wanna trouble Joshua's parents and my mum's not gonna have it.

Looks like next year's Chinese New Year will be as fucked up as the rest but i'll never forget this year's. Joshua can be a really good friend if he managed his friendship-ness right.

The weekends been quiet, if you ask me. 'Though, it gave me plenty of time to catch up on my comic. I'm currently at page 106!! YEA!!!!

Til the next time I'm free cos the coming week is gonna be hectic with Art Club on Monday and VA Program on every other day of my "already-tiring-like-hell" week.

Holocron Entry 11

Edit on 13 February 2010: I want to make my blog with I've been hiding for more than a month, visible to all people on Earth, Mars and beyond!!

Holocron Entry 10

I feel so betrayed. Chinese New Year helped me see things from another perspective. A perspective that's so ugly and distasteful. It showed me the truth about everything and it's the ugly truth. I rather keep living the fantasy. Being happy and contented in my imaginary bubble. But sooner or later the truth will always come to light.

I don't even know who are my truth friends any more. I feel so lost. When I'm a need to help, no one comes. And Joshua whom has become my bestest friends after we forgave each other, I don't know he any more. It that his real personality? Was everything in school, all that fun and joy, all a lie? I thought he was like me, just different in a world of his own. Trying his best to fit in though he knows subconsciously that he never will. Never giving up and still putting a smile on his face when things go wrong..

Was that all a lie? I show people my true self because I want people to accept me for who I am and not for some mask that some people prefer to hide behind. Chinese New Year reveals everything. Everything unpleasant.

I try my best to fit it. I really do. My relatives know that I'm a bit different but that's just me. I have already tried covering myself in layer and layer and personalities that people prefer but what good does that do? You'll be all a lie? An illusion. Nothing. Just another passing face in the crowd. I just can't fit in. I've tried and I give up. I don't want to try any more.

If you can't except me for who i am then I suggest to leave me alone. I can be happy on my own. In my own world wrapped by a virtual piece of velvet that separates the truth from my fantasy.

If only people would understand how I feel and open up to me and be my true friend. That's all I can ever ask for to be part of what binds every sentient being together. Please don't leave me out. May be I will keep trying and one day, I will be able to touch the edges of that imaginary velvet and enter the realm and be excepted.

The Human race can be so cruel at times. But I believe that I'm not alone...

Holocron Entry 9

I'm so sleepy but I don't feel like sleeping.

I was right, today was a half day. No lessons. My class helped wrap food hampers for the needy people in our school for a hour before the close to two hour long performance. The performance was quite okay, I guess. Some parts were really boring, like the quiz part. The MCs asked the audience stupid questions such as "Name me three red things" because apparently red symbolises Chinese New Year. And there were people from my side in the school hall were yelling "underwear". LOL!

Another bad part about the whole event was that the teachers seperated my friends from me. That's on disadvantage of having only male friends because the school teachers always want the boys to sit infront and the girls behind. And I can't be the girl sitting directly behind the boys because they want as to sit according to our index numbers. And I'm number 1. And it stinks cos people expect you to know everything and be serious in studys and score well cos teachers see your marks first as you names right on top. But I dun care. I wanna learn cos I truly want to and I wanna have fun will I'm at it and not be afraid to miss out info teachers give cos when you have many friends in class, you will end up knowing that bit of infomation any way!

We had to wear our class tee though. And almost half the class bought a size to big (like me). Someone told as the T-Shirt would be the same size as our PE T-shirt but it turned out to be a size bigger than the size of our PE T-shirt. Like size S (for PE tee) is size M (for class tee)!! In my situation, I bought L size when I'm an M. So my class tee looks like a mini dress when I looked at myself in the mirror at home. It went down to the middle of my thighs and that's too long!! And I had to wear it to school today but the good thing is my school skirt kinda helped "hold up" my class tee and I only reached 1/3 of my thigh. Quite an improvement, doncha think?

Oh, hang on. Joshua messaged me on Facebook....

Recently Joshua improved a little. He still follows me around but I find it hard to teach him sociall skills (I tried, okay!). He is useful when I get angry cos he listens when I complain and rant and yell (a little bit) and when I want someone to accompany me to McDonalds for tea time. And he helps "chope (?)" (How to spell?) the swings at the playground for me whcih comes in handy when I'm too lazy to run the the park and grab the swing froma random kid/teenager.

*Yawn* I'm really sleepy... Since today's a half day, I think I'll go take a nap when I'm done talking with Joshua on Facebook.

P.S. Today, after the performance, Joshua and I went to McDonald's for brunch and we saw our D&T teacher. Eating near her table felt weird. LOL.