I feel so betrayed. Chinese New Year helped me see things from another perspective. A perspective that's so ugly and distasteful. It showed me the truth about everything and it's the ugly truth. I rather keep living the fantasy. Being happy and contented in my imaginary bubble. But sooner or later the truth will always come to light.
I don't even know who are my truth friends any more. I feel so lost. When I'm a need to help, no one comes. And Joshua whom has become my bestest friends after we forgave each other, I don't know he any more. It that his real personality? Was everything in school, all that fun and joy, all a lie? I thought he was like me, just different in a world of his own. Trying his best to fit in though he knows subconsciously that he never will. Never giving up and still putting a smile on his face when things go wrong..
Was that all a lie? I show people my true self because I want people to accept me for who I am and not for some mask that some people prefer to hide behind. Chinese New Year reveals everything. Everything unpleasant.
I try my best to fit it. I really do. My relatives know that I'm a bit different but that's just me. I have already tried covering myself in layer and layer and personalities that people prefer but what good does that do? You'll be all a lie? An illusion. Nothing. Just another passing face in the crowd. I just can't fit in. I've tried and I give up. I don't want to try any more.
If you can't except me for who i am then I suggest to leave me alone. I can be happy on my own. In my own world wrapped by a virtual piece of velvet that separates the truth from my fantasy.
If only people would understand how I feel and open up to me and be my true friend. That's all I can ever ask for to be part of what binds every sentient being together. Please don't leave me out. May be I will keep trying and one day, I will be able to touch the edges of that imaginary velvet and enter the realm and be excepted.
The Human race can be so cruel at times. But I believe that I'm not alone...
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