Holocron Entry 1

Are people out to annoy me? Some bastard who was once a good friend is stalking me in school and my mum just said that she wants to start being mean to me? What the frak hell happened to these two idiots brains?

I'm more annoyed with the stalker now. I can't have a single school day where I have the right to choose where I wanna go, who to sit with during recess, when to be alone.

I admit that I'm anti-social. But all humans need space sometimes. I with that idiot, Joshua, will just go away. He follows me everywhere!! Seriously! It sucks.. He thinks that I consider him a friend. I used to, last year, when he gave me space and privacy to roam the school grounds alone when I please. As a friend (or ex-friend) he should know my personality.

I shouldn't have given him a birthday gift on the first day of school. I gave it to him as a FRIEND. F-R-I-E-N-D. He probably took it differently. And now, he stalks me. Everywhere. I have lost my freedom in school.

Because he keeps following me around, my popularity level and my "people are friendly and open to me" level had dropped as well. You know why? Because people always see us together and make assumptions that he is my boyfriend (fuck those losers) and that we are a couple. Sseriously?!!! People?! What is wron--

Everyone will think that. It's natural. It's just that I really regret giving him a gift. No only did I waste my mum's hard earned money but it ruined our friendship.

He was a really important friend once. Mainly because we have a lot of things in common. But I have never felt any special feeling what so ever towards him. We are just friends. Merely friends. Why can't he except the simple truth?

He will never be my kind of guy. He will never be my Luke Skywalker. He's not my type. I know that he has tried to change in hopes that I'll notice his passion and nonsense. But, look, we do not share that special feel.

I admit as well, that when we first met, I feel drawn to him. His blurness and simplicity and all that crap. But over time, as I got to know him better, I discovered things about him that I simply cannot live with.

And now, he is stalking me!! Fuck this..

I seriously hate this all. Why can't he stop?!! He overheard me complaining about his behaviour several times but he doesn't get it!! He's so stupid and perservering. I hate this. I still think about our friendship but lesser everyday. Why must he be this way?!

Even if he wants to date me or something, this is not the way to woo a girl!! You don't stalk them! I've pretty sure that I'm not the only girl that will feel the loss of her privacy and space, you know.

Boys are dumb.

And I can't believe I sound like those girls in the park yelling how dump boys and other stuff are. Humph!

I said that out of anger. Boys aren't dumb. Joshua is. He wasn't then, but now he is.

I wish things could go back to how they were. Joshua not stalking me, just having small talk when we happen to be in the same place. I miss those days.. I really do.

I feel very loss inside. The loss of lossing a good friend, who I can almost consider a best friend. I still have many friends but the feeling of many friends around you will never over ride the loss of one.

I'm not really mad at my mum now, since she came into my room a few seconds ago to apologise. She just had a bad night at work or something like that.

Man, I just went straight into ranting and screaming the shit out of myself without telling anyone who I am.

Well, I won't tell you my real name because I want my identity to remain secret so as not to offend the people that I will or have talked about here. The second name I use in my Facebook account is 'JainaSolo'. No spacings. Jaina's a really great character. If you haven't read the Expanded Universe Novels and comics but are a Star Wars fan, then you really should!!!

So I'm gonna be using the nickname 'Jaina4Eva'. I'm going to be 16 this year so I'm proud to say that I'm a senior in my school! People don't bow down to me but the feeling of being the eldest rocks! I'm in two school clubs, Art Club and Chess Club. Occasionally, I help the Infocomm Club take part (and sometimes and winning) manga competitions. I help out in the Library Club too. It's fun, being in so many clubs and all.

I'm completely obsessed with Star Wars. Even my subject teacher know! School mates call me 'Star Wars' because you know why and my real name is too long any way.

I'm currently reading Star Wars: The New Rebellion and have not started on the New Jedi Order and beyond that. (I know I'm slow, but I only became a fan 4 days before my 13th birthday?!) So far, I'm read everything in the New Republic era that comes before the New Rebellion. Well.. All except the Thrawn Trilogy. I can't find it in local bookstores and I'm really out of cash. If I had cash, I would have ordered it from where ever (and that includes shipment charges).

So you know the situation I'm in in school and nonsense like that. So.. Um. Wait for a moment. I need to think about more stuff to share with you.

I'm not really good at studies and I'm in the last class in my level but I'm getting better at some subjects, I think. There'll be a mini exam in the last week of this month so I think I might want to try revising something later tonight..

I think that that's all for now. So I'll be back for more ranting, yelling, giggling, everything (as it says by the name of my blog).

See yaa!!

Edit on 13 February 2010: Joshua, if you ever find this blog, please don't hate me, I was just speaking my mind. And I think we are cool now, right? Keep it friendly, yea??